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IS BEING SELFISH A BAD THING?

Most of us were brought up believing that being “selfish” is a negative behavior. So, it is not surprising that people (particularly women) behave in ways to ensure that others don’t consider them to be selfish. What happens if you go out of your way to avoid this label:

-      You say “Yes” when you really want to say “No”

-      You take on more than you have the capacity to do.

-      You rarely ask others for help, and when you do you feel badly.

-      You are self-critical, wondering if you are doing enough for others.

-      You feel taken advantage of, at times.

By no means am I suggesting that doing things for others is wrong. In fact, being nice, doing what feels right, and helping others enhances teamwork, collaboration, and relationship building, all necessary skills in business. Helping others can also be very rewarding!

However, when doing for others stands in the way of your progress, happiness, and health, it is probably time to re-assess your actions. “According to a recent study published in Psychological Bulletin, people who are motivated to care for others tend to fare well—but it is also important for us to not neglect self-care and our own needs.”

Questions to ask yourself:

-      Is this something I want to do?

-      Is this something I have the capacity to do?

-      Am I the best person to take care of this?

-      Is this request in-line with my values?

-      Am I feeling appreciated for what I am doing?

If the answer to these questions is “no”, perhaps it is okay to be a little “selfish” and do what is right for you! By making yourself a priority and listening to your own needs, you demonstrate that you care about yourself and that your own needs are important. In fact, this shift in your thinking can help to increase the respect others have for you.

If you tend to be a selfless person and have lived your life doing for others at the expense of your own happiness and well-being, behavior change can be very difficult. A few things for you to try:

-      Give yourself time for self-care.

-      Start to say “no” when you are feeling at capacity.

-      Ask yourself “what do I need?”.

-      Solicit help from others.

-      Appreciate yourself for how much you are already doing.

And remember, change is about taking “baby steps”- trying to do something different, one step at a time!

if you would like more information about how coaching can support these changes and help to create a "better version of you", reach out to me for a free 20-minute intro call!

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