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Performance feedback is one of the most important (and difficult) responsibilities of a good leader.  So why is giving feedback one of our most dreaded responsibilities?

Let's explore ways to make these conversations more productive, motivating, and easier for all involved:

Ask permission - Most people say they want feedback, but receiving it can feel like a threat - prompting a fight or flight behavior.  To initiate feedback, ask the person if it is a good time to talk or request a time that is mutually convenient.  The simple act of making a request to provide feedback gives the brain time to prepare, thereby lessening the defensive reaction.    For example, “I’d like to talk with you about this morning’s meeting. Is now a good time?”

Listen - A natural tendency may be to immediately offer a solution or suggest ways to resolve the problem. Instead, start your feedback discussions by inviting the other person’s thoughts - showing them that you are interested in their perspectives and value their opinions.  Telling someone what to do, although usually done with the best of intentions, can have the opposite effect by implying that the person doesn’t have the ability to figure it out themselves.  Encourage discussion by soliciting input to keep the person engaged and promote a more productive dialogue.

Address behaviors- : You acknowledge one of your key employee by saying: “You were really good in that meeting.” Although a comment like this helps to make the person happy, it is unclear to her what she did to make it "good", or what she needs to do to be "good" for the next meeting. To reinforce or change an  observed behavior, feedback needs to be specific and actionable, such as “When you spoke in this morning's meeting  you clearly explained the steps we need to take and were able to answer all the questions. This gave everyone confidence in your approach". Share observations that help clarify what behaviors you want to see again, or what needs to be done differently.

Focus on solutions - A common approach to resolving a problem is to review what happened and try to get to the root cause. This backward reflection activates negative emotions that deflect from clear thinking necessary for problem solving. Instead, focus on the desired outcome; looking positively toward a goal releases dopamine which enhances creativity and idea generation. Ask questions to generate ideas and facilitate increased reflection, solutions and actions.

One last tip:  Don’t forget to ask others how you are doing as a leader! Your request will give you insights on ways to increase your impact and model a behavior you hope to develop for your team.

Improve the quality of feedback through one-on-one coaching or a customized training program for groups. For more information, reach me at leslie@lsradvisors.net .

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